you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
