And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
