so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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