I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
