some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
