no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
