I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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