Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
