You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
