5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
