hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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