you turned your livingroom into a bong?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
