I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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