new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
