AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
