Cold hands, warm shart.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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