I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
