Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
