I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
