I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
