Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
