she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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