the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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