Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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