Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
