I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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