and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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