and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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