Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize