I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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