I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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