He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
