woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
