wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
