Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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