i just had sex bonerless
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
