I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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