Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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