I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
