the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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