we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There r osticjed everywhere
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
