She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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