Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
