she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
