does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
