Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
