so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
