Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
