when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
