Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
