The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
