In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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