I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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