How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
