is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
