I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
