We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
