i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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