that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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