Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
