just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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