One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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